Stepping Up and Out

It's been 2 years since we migrated to America and I think, it DOES get better. Well, to give you an example, I feel like I have stepped up from my $3.14 a week day-off to better things.

I think, as immigrants, we have conquered the first step of adjustments. Since I am very protective of my time alone or time for R&R, even at my poorest, I used to eek out money by hook or by crook to have quiet coffee somewhere.

When my husband was still employed (he has been laid off 6 months now), we promised ourselves to make an effort to try a new restaurant every month on a $10 a head budget. What a promotion from 3 to 10 dollars!

We figured that we now live at the outskirts of San Francisco, California--renowned for its melting pot of different cuisines. San Francisco and the Bay Area have been touted to have the best cuisine in the world because this is home to different cultures, its strong agricultural and vineyard industries, and its access to the Pacific Ocean's freshest harvest.

So one culinary adventure a month it is.

With ideas from Bay Area Back Roads and Bay Area Time Out Guide on hand, we set out on our first adventure to Kopitiam.




Since husband Ricky has been a Malaysian resident in the 80's, he was comforted by all the memories the meal brought. We started with the Roti Prata--wheat flour flaky pancake, dipped in curry gravy:



I had the Kopitiam Chicken Rice Plate--steam and deboned chicken with jasmine chicken rice, with ginger and chili sauce on the side.



Ricky had his Mee Goreng--stir-fried noodles with chicken, tofu, veggies, sambal, and shrimp balachan (bagoong).



Ricky has yet to learn how to order just one thing on the menu. So to keep him from feeling deprived, we splurged on their specialty, Silken Cloud--steamed tofu topped with lettuce, cucumber, onions, peanuts, with a delicate sweet-sour sauce.




The Silken Cloud lives true to its name. It was silky, like taho, but firmer. It slides down your tongue like a custard cloud. The different taste sensations came together mildly and pleasantly, in contrast to the stronger flavors of the Mee Goreng.

The Malaysian coffee (called SUSU) with condensed milk was a smooth surprise that kept me less sluggsish from that unexpectedly big lunch.

Going over budget was worth it. We spent $31 dollars for the both of us. But then, Ricky is going home to Manila in 2 weeks. So it will be another 2 months before we can resume out adventures.

Splurging $31 dollars bought Ricky and I quiet time, talking about other things than the kids and whose turn it is to drive. (I asked him who his crush was and he said Jessica Alba--which was pleasantly okay by me!) He asked me when I was blogging this, expressing some interest in my witing when there was not much before. (He didn't ask me who my crush was though I had a ready answer!)



We talked about plans and hopes. We talked like persons with individual fears and dreams versus just plain parents to our kids. I feel we reconnected as individuals, as people without roles to play, and were strengthened before our impending separation (as he attends to his projects in Manila).

Until then, I have learned to input into our frugal budget expenses like these--though frivolous from the outset, are actually necessary for the inner emotional and spiritual survival of our family as immigrants.

Kopitiam is located at 3647 Mount Diablo Bloulevard, Lafayette, CA 94549. Call them at (925) 299-1653 for more details.

Parting with my good old work bag

My mom calls it "dusdusin" (unkempt and scraggy-looking). She refers to my good, old, reliable work bag I bought for $9. I love it because I never have to worry about it. I can sling it around my body like a messenger bag, keeping both my hands free to write and take pictures.

The problem is, my bag is really beige as a base. Even if it's kinda photogenic, look, it has turned gray. Since all my things are in this bag, I sometimes use it as an excuse to wear it elsewhere, sometimes at night, (see fancy dinner in manila when my son took us out to dinner) because it has become too tedious to transfer all my stuff, junk included (receipts, pay envelopes, flyers, the other half of reply slips, etc). My mom and aunt have given me several name brand bags (there's a roomy brown suede orig Coach that i kinda like) but I can't imagine bringing that to work in the field.

Even my aunt and cousin in Manila noticed that I take this bag everywhere. And I say, why not? It's sturdy, the seams are sewn well, only the zipper latch comes off once in a while. It hold all my things nicely and I may have grown attached to it.

They are afraid that it makes me look kawawa (pitiful) and unprofessional. I noticed that it is dirty around the edges. Maybe a good wash will upgrade it.

I found a suitable replacement in Divisoria's 168. I found the cutest Le Sportsac knock-off. I can sling it around my body and shove all my things in there.

So what do you think? Should I get rid of my floral bag or keep it until it is unusable? And why, oh why am i so attached to it?

Mukhang Taga-Manila

I came home to Manila looking older than usual, in my perennial ponytail, keeping my wavy and thick hair under control. I looked at these pictures, taken a couple of days after I came in, taken on my son's birthday, as he took us out to a fancy buffet:

Even my clothes looked old--not what I would usually wear if I were still in Manila. What was I thinking?!

I realized that I looked so different in this latter photo, taken after a rebonding and lots of massages and foot scrubs later:


Can you spot the difference/s? (Same two gorgeous boys, different mom in the middle).

The new hair style and cut made me look and feel several pounds lighter and a couple of years younger. Could it really be?

My cousin saw me after my salon rebonded hair and said my aura was different. Wow, talk about what a good haircut can do. It may take a while before I ponytail my hair ever again!

Well, let's take the good in every situation: It's nice to know that I can look old and chubby and no one really cares in the States. It's also nice that in Manila, there is promise of looking better for very cheap prices.

Here's another amazing make-over: My sis-in-law, S, took advantage of her vacation to run and get color and a good cut at her salon. My cousin, L, threw in the fashionista outfits, complete with beads and bangles. Her friend, M, did the make-up.

"Mukhang taga-Manila na ako!" said S, delighted at the results.






S before the make-over.






S after the make-over. Photo by me. Styling by L and M. Yipee!

Back from Manila

Got back from Manila yesterday and I am still disoriented, waking at 4:17 a.m. today, with nagging hunger pangs that I decide to feed.

I was amazed to find the quiet dawn at our kitchen quite comforting. It is quiet and dark and very cool—a sharp contrast from the blazing 90’s at mid-day.

Jet lag may very well be my inspiration to assess my first trip back to Manila as an immigrant. I found that that whirlwind of a trip was actually defining, validating, and clarifying to me.

At first, I was hesitant to go home to Manila. Me, the reluctant immigrant, who didn’t want to leave the comforts and frills of home to uproot my 5 children. I did not want to leave the household help (one of my aunts now has 10—I can actually enumerate them but suffice it to say that the houseboy has an assistant, there was a yaya who couldn't be a yaya, so now she's a tutor, and 2 of them are “pensionadas,” too old to really work but get their loyalty awards for being with the family for many years), the support of many relatives and solid friendships, the long-drawn out lunches with my girlfriends, threshing out our life’s purpose and some gossip, the thriving men’s wear business I built from scratch, the cozy community we lived in had a pool and a salon downstairs. Oh, the salons in Manila—complete with the masahistas for home service, Lani, our ever-loyal one, still charges roughly $7 for one hour to sawa (when the cheapest massage you can get in the States is $60 an hour). Aside from healing massage, she now does bleaching, waxing, and my current favorite, eyebrow threading. I cannot explain to you the lift that eyebrow threading gives to my psyche, as my eyes look lifted and the signs of USA fatigue are threaded away.

What goes around comes around. From converting pesos to US dollars when we got to America, we couldn’t even splurge at the local McDonald’s. Now, I join the many overseas workers and expats in the pleasure of multiplying US dollars times 46 to get unbelievable extended value for my hard-earned money. Shopping in Tutuban and 168 has been given new heights, and strolling in the Mall of Asia has been quite exhilarating, specially because we were able to watch Bourne Ultimatum in the big screen for about $3!









Only in the Philippines can we find ourselves having lunch at their Dampa (fresh sea food picked and cooked while-you-wait) version, then pondered on what movie to watch, considering Razon’s halo-halo or coffee after the movie. Never nagyayari sa US of A ang mga ganito, because, though there may be lots of money to be made, there is never enough time to hang around.








So when my fellow balikbayan brother and sister-in-law got home from our Mall of Asia field trip, we dropped in the neighborhood salon for waxing and threading. My brother got a home massage because he was sore from badminton the day before. What can beat that?


Coming home as an immigrant means keeping your eyes wide open. Every experience is amplified. I noticed that all my friends have proper haircuts and nary a gray strand showing. Heck, even Lani, the masseuse, goes to her own neighborhood salon for her highlights when she is stressed. (I was probably the only one with gray strands showing in the whole Metro Manila!) At the same time, I wanted to hug everyone who greeted me “hello, ma’m-sir!” even if that was all they seemed to do all day. Walang ganyan sa States, ika nga. What I used to take for granted has become precious—the Sunday lunch reunions, small talk, catching up, buying sampaguita from the streets. I know that we are hospitable and warm as a people but to actually see everyone smiling just because and in spite of, was actually profoundly touching.

Every now and then, there was an urge for me to multi-task on
something and I had to restrain myself, willing myself to relax and just take it slow, while making kukot something to eat and making kuwento.


Traffic in Manila forces us to take it slow because there is no choice. What with the rains and floods, my brother spent 3 hours getting from Sucat to Pasay. He almost got culture-shocked out of his wits. For a few inches and a half, fellow drivers will ram their hood into small spaces with nowhere to go. We also forgot that pedestrian lanes don’t count and couldn’t slow down for crossing citizens.

I had to turn down a couple of lunch engagements that begged to become merienda sessions because I wanted to get a massage. My friends have been very understanding. They know that I did not have the stamina for socials as I did not have my own car to drive anymore and my emotional and physical batteries needed recharging with alone time and only quality bonding, with my tita and Lani, working on the dead skin on my feet:



At any given time, there is a beautician--manicurist, hairstylist, waxer and bleacher, and masseuse--in my tita's house:



It was time to go, time to pack. The first trip back to Manila has been interesting. My brother was itching to get back to New Jersey, two days after he got in. He said he expected more from this first trip back. I was surprised that I was quite ready to get back to California, too. I missed my kids and my husband.

I realized that in spite of all the frills of Manila, home is where my kids laugh, where my husband awaits, where I worry by the porch for my boys to come in from school or work, where my girls fill the fridge with the prettiest drawings of princesses that look like me. Home is where your real bed and sheets and towels are, where your garden grows, where you know the grocery aisles by heart, and where you know what the prevailing price of gasoline is.



And here I am, back in the kitchen table, waiting for them to awake. I think that though life in the States is difficult, we have made the right decision. We do things as a family and our precious free time, we spend together. My hair may have no highlights, but the highlight of my day is spent with my family. We rarely watch movies in the theater and we hardly eat out, so we rent movies from Blockbuster and buy tons of microwave popcorn and watch together.

My older boys are poised for University and Film Academy soon. That in itself makes all the sacrifices worth it. What with tuition fees in Manila running to one hundred thousand apiece, my younger kids get to go for free in our efficient California public schools.

As my brother said, sanayan lang. Give us two years in any place in the world and the challenge is to adjust with what we have at hand. I think migrating has given us character and resiliency—very precious gifts, just as hard-earned as the US dollar.

I have to run now, because the sprinkler system has turned on and my newspaper will be soaked if I don’t fetch it.

Free Summer Family Filmfest

There are free family movies shown at our local cinema every Tuesdays and Wednesday mornings. Check out the article and chedules here at the Antioch Press.

I took the younger kids to the movies. Magu and Selena saw Barnyard (PG) with Y. Syrel. Monica and I saw Charlotte's Web (G).




We navigated through day-campers, filed-trippers, special needs kids in wheelchairs, and moms/teachers passing out large buckets of popcorn to share. Seems like all the frugal moms were there, too!

It was such a fun time for Monica and I. She was free to ask many questions. Our seatmates did not mind that she had to go to the restroom. Crying infants were tolerated. The kids were free to squeal and clap with delight.

It was quite enjoyable for me, too--as the last time I watched Charlotte's Web was in it's original animated version when I was 8.

We then trouped to the nearest Baskin Robbins and availed of their $1 Tuesdays promo--every cone for a dollar versus $2.49.

I say, if we don't have much money, we should make a lot of time to spend with our kids. Great and frugal fun!

Finding God in the BART and in Berkeley

Whenever I have to take BART, I find myself quite excited. First, because I won't run into the usual traffic. Second, I get to catch up with my reading or crochet. And third, because it always seems to turn into a spiritual experience for me.

When we were starting out, I felt so poor until I saw a man in front of me in the BART reading the paper 2 days ago. He probably picked it up in the trash can. So then, God gave me a new perspective.

I have been joined by a couple of knitters and/or crocheters and we compared notes as seat mates until our destinations. And just sitting with kindred spirits for a while is enough to know how similar everyone is.

And many times, the signs around the BART offer me some sort of divine message, it has become fun to look around. I remember i was in doubt about how to bring my caboodle to Lake Tahoe and was resistant about my husband's plans because it was just a big hassle. The BART sign in front of me said, "Give Snow A Chance." We went to Tahoe and the kids saw their first snowfall in what couldn't be a more perfect day.

When I let my imagination go and just look at the view from the BART, many moments of clarity and inspiration have sprung up. I guess just looking out the window is a form of meditation for me--my mind and heart are open to possibilities. . .and they come.

Today, I came from Berkeley and met a friend for our usual intense bonding and validation sessions, very rare and precious in the USA. We explored the place and saw a couple of interesting eateries and bookstores. But most of all, we taught ourselves how to be more positive about life and how we must express this into our thinking and actions.

On the way home via BART, I was reading Joel Osteen's
Your Best Life Now and digested this message: "We receive what we believe."

I felt so full of grace and though it is Sunday, I feel that my day's experience beat Mass--where sometimes we sit absent-mindedly and out of obligation.

I hope you can find and feel God everywhere, too.

Frugal Entrance Furniture

Our patio overlooks a beautiful rose garden. I am pondering on composing a cozy sitting area in the patio. I am still scouring Craigslist.Org for the perfect wicker love seat.

Meanwhile, I found 2 cane chairs ($15 for 2)and 1 rattan side table ($10) to put out on the entrance, to make it look more welcoming. Accessories and a great doormat are next on the list.

Entrance furniture cost: $25.

Frugal Kids' Activities

Summer vacation is here and since I am not one to shuttle my 5 kids from soccer, ballet, Kumon, and karate, I have to be creative about what activities to plan for them.

My eldest 2 boys are in Manila for a vacation. I have to make sure that the younger 3 are reasonably occupied. "Reasonably" means just that. I don't want to overwhelm them with back-to-back activites. They must have time left to do nothing, to get bored, todaydream, make-believe, and activate their imagination.

I remember when I was young, growing up with my cousins in Manila, there were only 4 TV channels, and absolutely no cable or VCR's. We spent out days out playing with sticks, stones, the small fish in the small canal, playing tag, making (and selling) pancakes, riding our bikes, and negotiating endless soccer games,and patintero. We also converted many a parent's bedroom we could into a haunted house, complete with thread-spider webs, pop-up zombies, and howling sound effects--and charged each other 25 cents to get in.

Today, we live near a community pool and my kids like to swim a lot. We have new pet parakeets that they tend to. The rest of the day is spent playing house, playing doctor, investigating the garden, or soaking in the tub, with their water toys.

Cost: $0.



But on days when I have to broaden their horizons, I take them to free library activities. Last week, there was an Audio Book Presentation, where the kids did activities while listening to a book.

Cost: $0.

After the Library, we browsed a thrift store. They got 1 cute toy each.


Cost: $2.

I found that I had time in the week-end, and after taking them to the grocery, we made some sugar cookies. They tasted good but I overcooked them. The time spent mixing and cookie-cutting, though, was bonding time worth more than ballet lessons.




My husband bought this frozen banana kit and made some treats with the girls, too.



And although clean-up was a challenge, these are precious times. . .

Filipino Heritage Day

A double celebration for the Pinoys in the East County. June 12 is not only our Independence Day, but it was also proclaimed to be the first Filipino Heritage Day by Anitoch Mayor Don Frietas.

True to form, the Pinoys celebrated with song, dance and food. East County Idol Winner Neyshia Go and GMA-7' s Jolina Magdangal sang for their kabayans. Consul General Rowena Sanchez and Filipinas magazine's editor Greg Macabenta also graced the show, along with local Senator Tom Torlakson from Antioch.



The festivities were officially opened with a ribbon-cutting at the Lynn House Gallery, where "Buhay Pinoy"--a cultural exhibit of Filipino artifacts and snippets of rural life, put together by curator Cynthia Ruehlig, with the help of gracious Filipino community members who lent their Filipiniana items.



Senator Torlakson siad, "This is a fantastic exhibit. The Filipino influence is getting bigger and more positive in the community. They bring a rich culture and great tradition of art, music, and food."






United Filipino Americans in Antioch Association (UFAAA) and other Filipino groups came together and shared an afternoon of culture and entertainment.

"There are about 40,000 Filipinos in Contra Costa County," said Rod Talavera, UFAAA founder (right), shown here with Greg Macabenta, Rudy Fernandez, and Pistang Pinoy show director, Maila Gumila.

Fat Spiritual Wallets

Of course, we cannot live without money. But, I sure don't want to live just to earn money. In fact, when financial problems crop up (often!), I remind myself about the wise thing that I have learned: Money is the least in the ladder of problems.

Because I work part-time and freelance, I find that, though the funds may be low sometimes, I am wealthy in another way: I have the privilege of having my own TIME. This way, I feel even wealthier than if I worked full-time, get lost in the rat race, and add more money to our budget.

With flexi-time, I think I am able to save money, too. I am able shuttle my kids to and from school--and never miss opportunities to be with them when I'm needed, make sure they do they homework (and they have supplies for it). I was approached by my son's classmate's mom, who asked to bring her son home, too--for a fee. I am able to take my time in the grocery, choosing the best price for the product. I am now able to give small gifts (unlike 2 years ago, when I couldn't afford to send gifts to anyone). It's a matter of being creative about purchasing. Did you know you can buy most supplies for half the price when you buy in bulk?

I also save on not buying books and magazines as I have time to read them for free in the library. If I tallied what I read and learned today, the 4 business magazines I read would have cost about $20.

Today, I learned about Women's Trust.Org, about an entrepreneur who microlends to Africa. I also read about
The 4-Hour Workweek author, Timothey Ferriss who runs a thriving business so efficently, be abandoned being busy for being productive. He has time to set a world tango record, pursue his passion for martial arts, and learn surfing in Brazil.

So I took a precious and needed short vacation with my cousins in Napa because I could. The time I spent re-charging my batteries by just being is priceless--more than any amount of dollars I can ever earn. To have time to hook up with my cousins, get to know them better, heal and re-connect, will pay off in ways that I cannot imagine.

My friend C and I discussed the importance of time at this point in our lives and reminded each other not to sell out our simple lifestyle to the complications of full-time. I am more talented in working with a tight budget than spinning around a dizzying and full schedule.

Since time is wealth, it is also worth sharing. Giving back is one luxury when you have time. According to the U.S. Department of Labor, only about 28.8% of the United States civilian non-institutional population, age 16 or over, volunteers any of their time to helping others. If you donate just one hour per week you will be in the top 15%!

And just for thought, I would like to share images of other people that are also wealthy with their time. To be able to stop and smell the roses, turn your hobby into a business, and to notice the small treasures in life make their spiritual wallet truly fat.


Brentwood resident Karen Berg of Re-doux Furniture re0finishes outdated and used furniture into vintage or funky pieces. She charges $30 an hour for her work. Way to go!


Antioch resident Nana-Dictta Graves is an artist from Ghana, Africa who has become renowned in the USA for using everyday materials like candy wrappers, seeds, rice, even lint, to create her meticulous mosaics.


Winnie Kubick from Brentwood turned her talent for hand-sewing into a business. She makes custom hand-made baby blankets and beddings.

I hope you can discern the things that matter to you, and plan your schedule around them. . .

Changing the Cost of Fashion

(photo from oprah.com)

I caught Oprah's show today and I must say it is one of my favorites. Fab Without A Fortune is a collection of stories of people who are effecting change in our shopping culture. Sarah Jessica Parker's manifesto said it all, "It is wrong to spend more than your grocery bill for a sweater." She will launch her Bitten line of casual wear on June 7. Check out her pretty collections--each less than $20--even for a sweater, coats, flats, and espadrilles here.

Meanwhile, NBA superstar New York Knicks point guard Stephon Marbury sees a problem with expensive sneakers. High-priced athletic shoes worn by basketball's biggest names are status symbols for many consumers. But because of their price tags, kids wearing them can become the targets of robbers who want to make a profit from the expensive kicks. A boy in the Bronx was stabbed for his branded sneakers.

So Marbury manufactured his own line of sneakers/rubber shoes--making sure that people could enjoy quality sneakers without paying top dollar. Head-on with hundred-dollar Nike, Reeboks, and Adidas shoes, is the $14.98 a pair Starbury brand.

Stephon understands what it's like growing up and not being able to afford expensive sneakers. "My mother always said, 'That's grocery money.'" he says. "So for me, allowing kids now to be able to go to the store and spend their money on sneakers and to be able to buy it themselves, it's a movement. We've created something that everyone across the world is benefiting from."

Through the release of Starburys, Stephon says he wanted to create change by eliminating the view of sneakers as a fashion statement. "It's moving people in the right direction, and we say it's revolutionary," he says. "It's changed their lives."

How wonderful that the tipping points have changed. Fashion is an expression of self. It should leave you room to live without giving up on anything, without guilty feelings, without keeping up with the so-called Joneses. How wonderful that we can be fashionable yet frugal, when these two adjectives couldn't get along earlier.

Bitten and Starbury products will be available in Steve & Barry's stores nationwide. Find out more at www.starbury.com.

If you can't afford a salon haircut. . . .

If you can't afford a salon haircut, learn how to cut your own hair.

I used to watch intently when the hairstylist used to cut my hair in Manila. I experimented on my sides and successfully layered my hair the way I want it. My mom, who always looking to shape her fine, curly, and short hair, was my most willing model. With my trusty pair of scissors, thinning scissors and combs, I set out to shape her hair.

From an awkward and dated short style, I thinned out the ends to grace her nape and left the top long so she can poof it to look thicker.

And voila. . . my professional results:




A more modern version of her short hair, with long and thin layers below.
This hairstyle can be styled in 5 minutes and when accessorized with the right earrings can take her to any occasion with confidence.